Astronaut Jones

In light of his new sitcom "30 Rock" (also starring Alec Baldwin/ Written by Tina Fey) I've decided to make this Tracy Morgan week. Easily my favorite black SNL star because Eddie Murphy was a little before my time, Morgan was hilarious as the token black and and played the stereotypes well. Here we see him in my favorite Morgan recurring sketch, "Astronaut Jones," and yet again he act along side Britney Spears of all people.


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Tracy Morgan

I know NBC won't let YouTube host SNL clips anymore, but I've found another one of my favorites. Here we see Tracy Morgan at his absolute best and Britney Spears in a somewhat foreshadowing role by falling in love with a nobody who can't sing and following him "into the sewer." If this doesn't sound funny enough, watch it for Molly Shannon's excellent cameo appearance.

"Eat ya 'hot' out Mel Gibson"

Dennis Leary: "Where's Mel Gibson now??? He's at rehab and we got Youkilis at first base."

Here's a classic clip courtesy of NESN of last week's guest announcer spot during a Red Sox game. Dennis Leary and his Irish buddies weigh in on Mel Gibson and the prospect that the Sox have not one but two Jewish players in the field.

Do ya chain hang low?

My chain so heavy, my neck don't like me

Here we see yet another one of society's debacles. In much the same way that Jay-Z took Annie's Hard Knock Life and made it about simple thuggery, in this apparently new "song" a rapper named Jibbs stomps all over another children's classic. This link is brought to you by my father who has dubbed it the new official themesong of Villas, NJ...although I realize that joke might be lost on most of the people who read this. So without further adieu...I give you Jibbs.

Amy Sedaris

I love Amy Sedaris, I really do. She clearly does not care one bit about what people in her business think about her and as a result she's able to fly under the radar and do some really funny work. This probably explains why I watched a few segments of Sesame Street today when I realized she was working with them now. Hopefully.

Dylan

"At some point you gotta sit down with your dad over coffee or lunch and just look him right in the eye and say:
-Okay, is there any way I can avoid becoming you? Cause it's happening and I want out. Can you help me? Did you keep a diary? Any advice?...fuckin help me, for once, HELP ME YOU FUCK.

And if you've ever had this conversation with your dad that is the moment where they'll look you right in the eye and laugh. Cause on some level the father son relationship, though subliminal, is a battle to the death. And on some level when you're fucked up just like them they are as proud of you as if you won a fucking medal or something.

-Your dad: "Are you pathologically narcissistic and fuck up your firt marriage? Hahahahaha You're just like your old man, welcome to the club. Fuck you."
-MARK MARON




I guess this is one of those posts that really only makes sense to me "on a subliminal" level. Maybe I'm going soft as my college days are winding down or maybe I'm just another rung down on slow descent into becoming my father, but the above picture of Bob Dylan is just one of a few posters I have right above my bed in my dorm. Dylan, I should mention, is my dad's religiously favorite musician. In the past few years I've been listening to a lot of Dylan and although his music is clearly not my preference I feel compelled to it because of the stories he tells and what it has meant to a lot of other people, specifically my old man. Others include: Green Day, Cobain, Dropkick Murphy's, Beatles, and Less Than Jake. Basically me and my musical tastes in a nutshell. Dylan's, though, is the only face directly above my bed which should make for some interesting, possibly inspirational mornings.

Broken Hearted (but some great mustaches)

These sure are two sad, sad THEN and NOW photos of my beloved Sal Fasano.






The Yankees are a storied franchise with a rich history and winning tradition, so I completely understand the need to keep order within their clubhouse in the facial hair region. There's nothing worse than losing, but it's even worse to lose to someone flawlessly clean cut.

This only means that the classic Phillies Fu Manchu that Fasano sported with our club during his short tenure here is OURS for the keeping. I never got to be a part of Sal's Pals....though in my heart I was his number 1 fan.

I don't get it: NFL Edition

Let's face it, Lee Suggs is not an everyday household name. I'm not even sure he's ever scored an NFL touchdown. I do know, however, that he plays football for a living and makes at least $1M/year. How, then, does this man FAIL A FUCKING PHYSICAL after being traded from the Browns to the Jets? I know that players traded from one team to another are often subject to various tests and physicals, but I've never actually seen two players actually switch teams, have press conferences in their new cities, and then fail a physical only to be essentially sent right back to their original team. I can only imagine what it must be like for Suggs and the other guy (Derrick Strait) to return to Cleveland and New York respectively and have to deal with knowing they weren't meant to be there. And what does it say about Cleveland that they're trying to deal their damaged goods. I don't know much about football but I'll bet they suck again this year.

Reminds me of the semi-broken electric guitar I just traded some guy from craigslist for his 30G iPod photo. Good thing the guitar didn't have to pass any tests and our addresses and numbers were never exchanged.

I don't get it: KISS edition

Someone please fame audit KISS for me. I obviously did not grow up in the 70s or 80s and thus cannot vouch for the apparent Superstardom that Gene Simmons has proclaimed for himself in his recent television endeavors. Ever since Vh1 aired Gene Simmons' Rock School last year I've been seeing this guys Jewy mug all over the place telling people how to be rock stars. I'm curious about just how big these guys really deserved to have been ( or still are? ) given the fact that they never really wrote a hit song. In fact, I'm not so sure they even wrote their own songs. The only song I can think of is God Gave Rock and Roll to You, and even that I didn't hear of until Bill and Ted sang it as THE WYLD STALLYNS. And also, I'm quite sure they didn't write the song.

Also, something should be said for the anonymity KISS used to keep, being face-painted at all times. It was a gimmick and it worked and I do not knock them for it. However, the fact that we now see Gene Simmons paintless all the time completely ruins the credibility of his famous demon persona.

I hate KISS.

Go Smurf yourself

Below you see one of my all-time favorite Saturday Night Live satirical commercials. I love Tracy Morgan playing Little Richard playing a Smurf.

Old and Tired

Above you see Shaun Young, the self-proclaimed Philadelphia Eagles "superfan" from Media, PA.

Is anyone else tired of this dude mugging all over tv and radio proclaiming superiority over all of Philadelphia fandom? The shtick has gotten so old yet Shaun--a fucking trash man--continues to parade around in his trademark pads and face paint wherever other Eagles fans might be congregating. His personalized license plate even reads: IBLDGRN, which of course makes those of us who bleed just regular red mere "garbage" in this man's mind. I hate that he stole the whole act from Raiders fans who had been wearing pads for years, a fact I find unforgiveable ESPECIALLY given the fact that we as fans already stole the whole E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES chant from the Jets not more than 7 years ago. I realize what he's going for. He thinks that the pads make him tough and representative of a blue-collar culture that Philadelphia prides itself on. I just wish it was more original or more associated with the team itself, like Crazy Eagle Man or something. And please, if you see him (Trust me, you will)do not encourage his behavior.

Much Much Too Soon

Nick Cage can be a very good actor and I'm sure he's right for this part, but I just don't think it's time for a big time 9/11 movie yet. What's worse is that the marketing for this movie has been horrible, leading me to believe that it's going to be melodramatic crap that people go to see just because they think it makes them more American. I for one am not yet interested in a film about an event which caused a war that is still going on. I mean, they waited more than 10 years to put out Jarhead. What's next, Taliban: The Movie? Fuck you, Oliver Stone. Enjoy the money.